Why Not?

Why not?

This was my mantra a long time ago. When I ran a marathon and wrote numerous books and believed that I could achieve anything I set my mind to.

Then I got completely derailed by life. The last three years have been hard. This year has been the hardest. Sometimes it takes complete destruction to finally start to grow again. Like a forest fire that leaves everything charred but provides the means for new life to grow.

It's been a long year. I secluded myself for most of it. It gave me time to think and realize what is important and what never mattered. I think people spend too much time on stuff that just doesn't matter in the long term. I know I did, and I'm trying to be better about it now.

I've set some big goals. Big, scary goals. Because why not? I used to love big, scary goals. They pushed me to grow. I need more of that in my life. The hardest part is starting slow and recognizing where I am. It's been three years of little movement and lots of emotional eating. My brain wants to do things that my body is not ready for - not yet.

Luckily, I turned to lifting to get me through the last few years. I am stronger than I was before. For awhile it was all I could do. Now, it is the thing that always gets me back on track.

I had been doing pretty well for the last month. Feeling more like myself. I ran a few times. The longest one was 5.3 miles on an absolutely perfect fall day. The sun was shining. It was cool, but not too cold. The leaves were at the peak of their autumnal beauty. I was running on a section of road that is lined with big, old trees. Their leaves were bright yellow, and as I ran through, a little breeze picked up and created a cyclone of yellow leaves. As they danced around me, I kept thinking that this is why I run. For the beautiful moments that I could never experience if I stayed home. This is what's been missing for the last few years.

I was having a much better time at TKD as well. I started getting sick not long after I started TKD. I didn't know what was wrong with me for a long time, but it became difficult to do most of the movements. As much as I loved it, classes were a struggle. Then after surgery, when I was just beginning to feel like my old self, my dad passed away, and life went into a tailspin. I took a 6 month break from TKD. I had a lot of doubts. I wasn't sure I wanted to continue, but there was something in the back of my mind that told me to go back and try again - really try. Because for the first time I could actually give it 100%. One class. Give it my all. Don't let my head get in the way. Just go and see what happens. I told myself I could not go back if I chose, but I had to do one class.

I had the best class I had ever had. I felt good and strong. I was so worried it would be like before, but I had healed (at least physically). I wasn't limited anymore. It was incredibly freeing. I cried the whole way home. I have no doubt in my mind now that I will become a black belt. I am 100% dedicated to TKD now. The people are amazing and have become like family. I get to spend time with one of my best friends, and another friend has just joined class, too. I want to surround myself with inspiring people, and my TKD family are some of the best.

When everything is good, and I am focused things go very well. It's dealing with the setbacks that has always been the problem. There is a fine line between giving yourself time to rest and recover and sinking too deep into darkness. That's my biggest struggle. I always eventually pick myself back up and get back on track, and if I can do it this year, I can do it whenever. If nothing else, I've grown in that way during this miserable year.

The past week has not been a good one. I've gotten to the point in my grief where I am mostly okay most days. This last week has made up for it, though. It's been a rough one. On top of that, I slipped a rib and was in a lot of pain for a few days. I took time off from exercise to let it heal - which is already a smarter choice than what I used to do. But, it meant missing TKD and then I kind of settled into a week of inaction.

 I had the intention to be active and get myself out of this funk, but days passed, and I just couldn't decide what I felt like doing. When I am in that head space I can talk myself out of anything. I was looking through various workouts and found a simple one that was a test for 1RM back squat. I haven't tested my squat in a very long time, and I have been lifting quite a bit. I'm almost always up for squatting, so I decided to do it.

As always, my head is my biggest deterrent. Fixing my mindset has become one of my biggest goals, and I am seeing a little improvement. Still, that nagging little voice is always there. Doubting my abilities. I've been squatting fairly conservatively. My old PR for back squat was 150#, but I really thought I could do more. I'd been letting fear control me and had stuck to a max of 95# for my workouts. I started there and built up the weight. When I loaded the bar with my big 45# plates, the voice began. They looked huge. They looked heavy. Doubts began to swirl. But, I did it. 135# - no problem. It felt easy. 145 - easy. 155 - easy (and a new PR). Doubt started to fade. I started to feel good again. In the end, my new PR is 175#. I wonder if I could have done more if I started at a higher weight, but it was where I needed to start. I'm very, very happy with my new PR. Best of all, my confidence is back, and I am feeling ready for this week and to get some work done.

I'm focused on small actions that if done daily will help me build up to my massive long-term goals. One of them was to blog again. I was struggling to write before this year, and since my dad's passing, I haven't been able to write a word. It's slowly coming back. So slowly. Writing a blog post has been a goal for weeks. Today, I finally felt like I had something to say. It ended up being quite a bit. If you've made it through this much, thank you. I hope being honest about my struggles can help someone else, even if just to show that they're not alone. I felt alone for awhile, but more and more I am realizing that we are all much more similar than we are different.

I'm looking forward to ending 2018 on a better note and have high hopes for 2019. Time to live life again. Why not?  We only get one. I better make it count.

Leg Day and Patterns.

Happy 4th!

We decided today would be a day for home improvements and chilling in the pool. I really wanted to do a long lifting workout. I haven't done a good leg day workout in a while, so I decided on lower body lifts with pattern practice in between sets.

It was such a good workout. I love leg day, and I really enjoy patterns. I haven't done any TKD in a long time. Now classes are on summer break, and I do not want to fall behind. I remembered them better than I expected to, but it was easy to spot the ones that need the most work. I did Do San more than the rest. It is my weakest pattern. I don't know why. It just won't stick.

Now it's time for a pool workout with the kiddos. I love summer!

Still Broken, But Getting Better

On March 31st, my dad passed away after a 5 year battle with cancer. I haven't been able to think, let alone find words to express the grief I feel. I'm not sure that there are words to describe it, and if there are, it will take a better writer than me to express it. It's having a giant hole inside of you. It's walking around and looking fine and everything is normal, but nothing is actually normal and you are so far from fine. It's feeling like the world has been turned upside down, shaken, and broken, yet your day-to-day is the same.

It's taken me a month to even get back to all of my usual activities. It took a week for me to leave my house. Every little thing was a monumental effort. Even just picking up my kids from school was too much. Every person I saw was incredibly kind, but I could not talk about it without crying. I still haven't had a day without crying, but I've got it a little more under control now.

 I am so grateful for the people in my life. This whole thing has made me value my relationships a lot more, and unfortunately, it has also shown me a few that I need to let go. But, I am staying focused on the love that people are giving me. It's been absolutely overwhelming.

The last thing I added back into my life was TKD class. My TKD family has been incredibly supportive and understanding, but it took me a while to go back. First because class is in the evenings, and I was so exhausted just from trying to exist that I couldn't get myself to go. Second, because even though I am much more confident in my abilities now, it is still a place where I have to step out of my comfort zone often. I just wasn't ready.

It was so good to go back. It is one of my favorite things. I didn't have to talk about my problems or think about them. I could focus solely on class, and I had the support of all the wonderful people there. I was also pleased to find that missing almost two months of class had not affected me too badly, and I still remembered my pattern. I just felt happy after class. I think it was the first time I've really felt good since all of this began.

For now, I am taking things slow. I am being patient with myself and accepting that I am not always going to be up for training (or some days even leaving the house). I'm doing what I can and knowing that it is enough. My health has become a top priority. I'm a master at making excuses, but that's not happening anymore.

 My dad was always the strongest and bravest man I knew. He taught me how to lift when I was young and would accompany him to the fire station. (He was a firefighter and EMT - see, the BRAVEST man I've known.) It is when my love of lifting truly began. Even after his diagnosis, he walked almost daily, and I am not talking about a mile or so. He walked up to 8 miles. No music, no headphones. He watched the nature around him. He hiked almost until the end. We had some really amazing hikes last fall, and I am so grateful for those memories.

So, that is where I am at today. Still broken, but getting better. Figuring out how to live with this and doing my best to make healthy choices and just feeling grateful for all the good in my life.

TKD

It's tournament season!

I really enjoy tournaments. I had so much fun volunteering at the first one. There are so many awesome people, and it's a really positive environment. I love watching my kids compete. One had a difficult time this time around with patterns and breaking. He took third in sparring! He was disappointed, of course. Before the tournament, we set some goals that had nothing to do with the medals, and he met all of them. We had a good talk about learning from losses and having a good attitude. This is why TKD is invaluable. Those lessons mean so much more than medals.

Last night was my first TKD class in almost two months. I was nervous. For over two years, I have started class feeling like I was going to pass out. I breathed heavily throughout classes, overheated,  and went home completely beaten up. It took several days for most of the pain to go away. Last night was my first class after surgery, and I had no idea how it would go.

It went really, really well. I was very rusty, but I could breathe. I got through warmups without feeling dizzy. I woke up this morning sore but not in pain. I was super excited when I got home, and I definitely cried a little. There were quite a few times when I wondered if I would be able to continue. Luckily, I am stubborn and really didn't want to give up TKD.

I'm really excited to see what I can do now that I feel better!

Appreciation.

Yesterday I was officially cleared for all exercise. I was so excited. I have been running this week and completed the first week of C25K, but I was nervous to lift again. Yesterday I lifted for the first time in about 3 weeks, and it was awesome.

I kept it short. I'm really working hard to ease back into exercising, but it's not easy. I have so much more energy now. I want to do everything!! While I was feeling bad, I had a lot of big, lofty goals that truly seemed impossible. Now, I have energy again and feel amazing. Those big goals don't seem as far away now.

For 2018, though, it is all about the 5ks. Andy and I are enjoying C25K, and it's fun running together. We're planning on doing 3-4 races this summer/fall. I may throw in one 10k. There is a local race that I've done a couple times. I may have to do it again now that I can. It's been a few years since I ran it.

Today is the first TKD tournament of the season. I am not competing. I'm kind of bummed. This is only the second time I have missed one since I started TKD, and it's the first time I've missed this tournament. I had no time to train, so I know this is the right choice. I am going to volunteer to help out instead. My kids are still competing, and I am looking forward to seeing everyone there.

Overall, I am just so thrilled to be able to move and have energy and to be in a good mood. I feel like a different person. I feel the way I used to over 3 years ago, only now I am so much more appreciative.

Tournament 2 Recap

My body is aching. My heel/ankle is swollen and on ice, and I am sitting here with an overwhelming feeling of contentment and gratitude. I just got home from the second TKD tournament of the season.

I went into this tournament feeling a lot more relaxed than usual. I was trying my weapons pattern for the first time, I was trying my regular pattern for the first time, and I did not plan on sparring. Other than just getting through both patterns, I only had one goal: get my break (with two boards) on the first try. I figured it would go how it would go, and I didn't stress about it. I should do that more often.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of how I did. I have to, once again, talk about how much I love Taekwondo. The people are fantastic. There is definitely some competition, but everyone is really friendly and supportive. I'm beginning to recognize more and more faces, especially in the ladies division. We have such a good time. There is some competitiveness, but we cheer each other on and celebrate everyone's victories. It's a really awesome group of ladies. The judges are also amazing. I had two of my favorites today, one for weapons and one for ladies division. They truly enjoy it and make it a lot of fun.

I love that people are always trying to outdo themselves. That's the main competition. It's amazing to see what can happen with the adrenaline of competition. The woman who got gold in breaking for our group broke three boards. She told me she had never done more than two, but she just let it flow. Incredible.

I love watching the struggle, too. If it's not difficult, then you're not challenging yourself. All of the ladies stepped it up, and there was some struggles. There were also some awesome successes and some positive "I'll try again next time" attitudes. I love it. I completely understand the struggle. I have never felt like I did really well at a tournament. My nerves get to me every time. I struggle every time. Some days are better than others. Last tournament, I bombed. This one was okay but very, very, VERY far from perfect.

Okay, here's the recap.

I started with my bo staff pattern. I have never competed in weapons, and I just got my new bo staff yesterday. No time to practice, and it is incredibly light compared to what I was practicing with. I was nervous, my hands were sweating, and I was shaky. It didn't go great. I got distracted early on by an audience member saying, "well, I could do that" really loudly. Go for it, lady. All the more power to ya if you can handle the nerves better than I can.

Overall, it was okay. I know what to improve, and I got through it without dropping the bo. Goal achieved. Next time will go better.

I then waited around for a long time and watched my kiddos compete. There were some struggles, but they both stayed positive and took away lessons from their competitions. That's all I ever want for them. They both earned medals and did pretty well. They got to play with friends and make new friends. They had a great time.

I was practicing when they called my group, so I almost missed staging. I sprinted over and didn't have a ton of time to get nervous. Being late might have been a good thing. I decided at the last minute to do sparring, so no time to worry about that either.

Patterns were first, and I was nervous about it. I just learned the end of my pattern on Monday, so I was pretty sure that my brain would freeze up as soon as I started. It didn't go that bad. I got through it and didn't miss a move - although did hesitate for just a second while I tried to remember what came next. I tied for third place, so not too bad. I'll keep working on it and have a little more confidence with it next time.

Breaking. My favorite. There is nothing more satisfying than putting your foot through a board. The ladies have really been ramping up their breaks this year, and I knew I was in for some stiff competition. I also went into it feeling a little concerned. I had just been practicing my break with my instructor and could not break even one board. But, I am stubborn. I decided I would go for two. I did it before. I can do it again, right? My heel already hurts, but it'll be fine, right?

The best thing to do in breaking is not think. Thinking makes me hesitate. I turned off my brain and broke it. First try. Two boards. Goal achieved.

I am pretty hard on myself, but I'm proud of that one. Of course, I have no idea what to do next, but...I'll figure that out Monday.

I ended up getting second because another woman rocked the previously mentioned break with three boards. I will gladly take second to that. It was amazing.

Then it was sparring time. I will openly admit that I am not a fan of sparring. I don't mind it, but I am not good at it. I can't think quickly enough in a situation like that. I don't even know what I do when I go out there.

I hadn't planned on sparring today. I didn't want to stress about it as well as stressing about the weapons pattern. I decided last minute to do it, and as usual, I'm glad I did. The women in our group are so much fun. We don't go out to destroy each other. We cheer each other on. It's actually pretty fun. Since I hadn't been stressing about it, I really enjoyed it. I went up twice and had good, fairly even matches. The scores went back and forth almost every point. It was a lot of fun. I ended up getting third place, which I was surprised by and very happy about. Overall, a good day.

This post is turning into a novel, but I have to talk about one more thing. During the opening meeting, we watched a woman be promoted to 9th Dan Black Belt - the highest you can go. I got teary eyed watching her receive her plaque. It was incredible to think about the time and dedication she had put into it, and it was really inspiring.

It made me think about how long I want to keep practicing. I usually take TKD day-by-day, week-by-week, tournament-by tournament. I've always assumed I will continue until I get my black belt, but I'd never thought about what happens after that. I think I'm in. I think I am going to continue until I can't. I love it. The people, the process, the challenges, all of it. By far one of my best decisions.

Not Taking A Break Yet

I've been really achy for the last week, and I didn't end up exercising as much as I had planned. I've been feeling really run down, and my feet have been bothering me. That combined with a super busy weekend and nothing gets accomplished.

Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous and warm, so I took the Moon Dog for a walk. I also went out into the backyard and practiced my bo staff pattern. It was fun to practice outside in the sunshine. I went to TKD class last night. It was a great class, but I was definitely not feeling 100%.

There's a tournament this weekend. I was planning on taking a break and not competing in this one, but my weapons instructor wants me to do my bo staff pattern. So, I'm trying something new this weekend. Never done a weapons pattern before. It should be interesting. I may also try to do my new pattern. I just learned the rest of it last night, so it will be what it will be. Might as well try it, though. Why not?

I'm planning on doing my break. My goal for it is to get it first try. I've got two more tournaments to get it. So far, I got it first try in practice, it took two tries in the tournament, and three tries at testing. My nerves make everything so much more difficult.

If I'm feeling the way I have been for the last few days, I will probably skip sparring this time. My ankles are bothering me, and I can't imagine sparring right now.

So, this week the focus is on TKD completely. Today I worked on my patterns and my break. I'm feeling really sore and run down from last night's class, so I didn't do a ton of practicing. I'm hoping I'll feel better and can do more in the next couple days.

I followed my workout up with some yoga and gentle stretching. I've got a couple tight muscles that will hopefully loosen up a little bit before Saturday.

I'm excited for the tournament. The people are great, and it's a really fun day. Both kiddos are competing, too. They're excited, and I know we'll have a good time.

Patterns and Priorities

This past week I have been focusing on my patterns. I know I have a long way to go before black belt testing, but the patterns keep getting harder. I do not ever want to blank out during a testing again. I also really enjoy patterns. It's a definite workout, but it's also relaxing, almost meditative.

TKD made my day yesterday. I thought about going into detail, but I'm sure no one wants to read a rant about my stress and frustration. There's no need to give it more energy than it deserves. Let's just say that yesterday sucked for so many reasons, and I was looking forward to going to class.

It was a good class, obstacle courses and a great cardio workout. We also started our new pattern, and I love it. I've been waiting for this one since my daughter did it, and I learned the first half yesterday. I'm going to add it to my (almost) daily pattern practice. We're in the middle of tournament season. I don't know if I will be ready to compete with it, but I am hoping I will be able to try it at the May tournament.

I also worked some more on my weapons pattern. I absolutely love the bo staff. It's one of those things that just clicked immediately. I really love my pattern so far and have been practicing it daily. I added more to it last night, and it is so much fun. Challenging, but fun, which is exactly what I need.

More and more I am enjoying the process of Taekwondo. It's the first time I have truly been able to internalize the idea of "your only competition is yourself." I've set some goals for myself that have nothing to do with tournaments or medals, and I am slowly chipping away at them. It's nice to see the small improvements and be able to celebrate them because I am not comparing myself to someone else.

In addition to TKD, I have been lifting this week. I also did a small run on Sunday. I have been craving a run, but the pain it causes has been a deterrent. Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. Perfect running weather. I picked a stretch of our road that went slightly uphill and ran it 7 times. The Bean rode her scooter beside me and pushed me to do more. She's a good trainer. I ended up doing about 3/4 of a mile, which seems like nothing when I think back to my 22 mile long run days, but I am at a different place right now with different challenges. I was happy just to run.

There was definitely some pain after. That's not something that's going to go away soon (or maybe ever). My goal for the summer is to find some new cardio options. I love running, but it does not love me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give it up completely, but unless something changes drastically, I have to have other options.

Today is leg day. So the plan is lifting, patterns, and another set of running intervals with The Bean later. I've been making an effort to make my workouts a priority. It takes an hour (or so) a day and improves my life immensely. When facing massive amounts of stress, the first thing to go is anything that I do for myself. This is not a healthy practice, and it needs to stop. I'm a better wife, mother, employee, and person when I take care of myself. Another lesson that I am slowly learning.

What are you doing today to be active? Do you make yourself a priority in your life?

Struggling and Learning

It's been about 2 months since I've posted. I took a break. A much needed one.

I've been really struggling with exercise for a while. I've got a few medical issues that are taking forever to resolve, and I've been limited. I constantly feel run down, and my bones (especially my feet and hands) have been aching. Running became unbearable, I had to find other forms of exercise. It took a toll on me physically and emotionally. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel so crappy. I've been feeling like I am failing, and writing about it was making me feel worse.

It all got a little overwhelming, so I took a break from blogging and focused on taking care of myself. I got into a good, consistent program of lifting and practicing TKD. I was feeling stronger and more confident. Then life started getting more hectic, and I let it affect my routine. I stopped making exercise a priority. I stopped making me a priority. It's frightening how easy it is to slip to the bottom of your list.

I'm still struggling, but I am really trying to stay positive and find the good in the struggle. I recently went to the first TKD tournament of the year, and it did not go well. I felt off and just didn't do very well. I took two tries to break my boards, which I had been getting on the first try. I was frustrated, but on the bright side, I did break two boards for the first time. I also enjoyed being with the other women in our division. It's a fun and supportive group of great ladies, and everyone at the tournament is very positive and inspiring.

I decided to work harder and improve my break. Next tournament my goal is to get it first try. Two boards. I'm also back to daily meditation and trying to get control over my thoughts. My nerves are my biggest adversary. I need to get out of my head.

The TKD struggles continue. Yesterday was testing, and I felt terrible. I was nauseous, overheating, and dizzy, but I wasn't going to miss it. I worked hard and was really looking forward to getting my new belt.

I got it, but it was a major struggle. I blanked out and completely forgot every pattern except the very first and my current one. I'm not sure what I was doing out there, but it was not pretty. I struggled with moves that I have gotten gold medals for in the past. I got my belt but felt pretty disappointed with myself.

Today's a new day. I really enjoy TKD, and I am not going to quit after a couple of embarrassing mess ups. Part of my workout today was to go through all of my patterns - over and over and over again. I was happy that they are still somewhere in my brain. I guess they took a vacation last night.

I also practiced the beginning of my bo staff pattern. I've only been working on it for a little while, but I love it. I feel comfortable with a bo staff, and it combines everything I like about patterns with a little more creativity/individuality. So much fun.

So, I'm back to blogging. I may not be in a great place, and I may feel like I am struggling, but I'm not done trying. I'm going to keep learning, and hopefully, improving.

A Better Day

This week has been rough. I haven't been posting because I try to keep my blog positive, and lately I've felt like I've been taken over by an exhausted, angry stranger. Physically, I have not been feel good. If I'm being honest, I haven't felt this bad since I was at my heaviest and smoking, and even then I could do more than I can lately. I feel like crap. Which means I haven't been exercising. Which means I'm not feeling good emotionally either.

My appointment with the endocrinologist is next week, and I am hoping for answers and less of a wait before the next step. I want this fixed as soon as possible. I hate feeling like this, but I'm trying to stay positive. As I've been reminded by several well-meaning people, I am lucky that it's fixable. I know I'm lucky. I know it could be much worse. Knowing that doesn't make it easier when I feel terrible and am too exhausted to do simple, everyday tasks. It doesn't keep me from feeling incredibly frustrated and embarrassed. I miss feeling energetic.

I'm nervous about my appointment and have been unsuccessfully trying to not focus on it. I've been struggling to relax. I store my stress in my shoulders and had a tension headache that lasted 6 days. Wednesday helped a lot. Andy got us tickets to see Rent, and we had a great night out. The show was amazing, and it was exactly what I needed. I also got to spend time with my mom who came up to watch the kids. It was nice to be able to talk about everything with her.

I'm feeling slightly better today and more positive. Whenever I feel a little better, I make sure to get in a workout because some days I feel too exhausted to move. I'm grateful for the Moon Dog because he makes sure I get out and at least walk every day. I can't let down my pooch.

Today's workout was pretty good (for where I'm at now). I didn't do as much as I used to be able to, and I moved slow. Still, something is better than nothing.

Friday's workout:

Won Hyo x6
incline push-ups 25 reps x2
chamber holds 30 sec./side x2

Chun Gi/ Dan Gun x2
1 arm incline push-ups 10 reps/side x2
side kicks 10 reps/side w/brief hold while extended x2

Do San/Won Hyo x2
incline push-ups 25 reps x2
hook kicks (with dropping knee) 10 reps/side x2

Won Hyo x6
modified 1 arm push-ups (flat) 10 reps/side x2
side kick/hook kick (without dropping) 10 reps/side x2


It was a good workout. Tougher than it should have been, but it was good. I sweated and felt better after I was done. Moon Dog and I also went for a longer walk than usual this morning, so I've got some endorphins going today.

It's a good day.

Goals 1, 2, 3

I've been thinking a lot about my goals lately. I have enjoyed some time doing whatever I want, but it's time for a new goal. I always do better when I am training for something.

Goal #1
My main goal is to improve at TKD. I enjoy it more than any other workouts (except lifting), and I want to do well at the tournaments this year. The first one isn't until March, but I want to be in much better shape by then. I'm trying to work on the areas that need the most improvement and have also started working on my break. I've got a plan, and I'm going to push myself.

Goal #2
Am I completely crazy? Lately, I've been considering something I wasn't sure I would ever do again. I've decided to do another marathon. It seems a little insane. I haven't been running a lot, and I haven't done anything over four miles. But, I found a marathon I really want to do. It's a year away - plenty of time to build a base and train.

The thing is, I have never trained properly for a distance run. Knowing what I know now, I'm kind of amazed I even completed my first marathon. I like the idea of training properly and seeing what I am capable of. I'll be interested to see how it compares to my first one. My daughter asked me what my goal was for the marathon. She was asking about speed/time, but I told her my goals are different. I want to train for it the right way and finish the race. I also want to continue running when it's over. The last one was so emotionally crushing that I stopped running for a long time. A short run within two weeks of completing my marathon would be a major success.

I jumped into the last marathon without thinking about it beforehand. This time, I gave it a lot of consideration. It's a major time commitment that affects more than just me, so I discussed it with my family. The kids support me 100%. They're excited about it and have been asking a lot of questions. Andy thinks I'm crazy and reminded me about my last race experience. He was concerned it would be the same as last time. I was considering the same race as last time when I first brought it up, and he didn't think it was a good idea. He was much more supportive when I told him about the one I found. It has a longer cut-off time and is in one of our favorite areas of Maine. He's officially on board and very supportive. I'm so glad because I really couldn't do it without his support.

Goal #3
This one is a short-term goal. My fabulously awesome friend, Tracy, is starting a new six-week boot camp, and I think I need to sign up. I've been struggling with getting up early and getting in a workout. I've been struggling with cardio. This would be a perfect jump start to marathon training. I'm nervous because I've been getting really dizzy whenever I start to exercise, but I'm going to go and see what I can do. Her training style would be beneficial to both goal 1 & 2. I start on Wednesday. Fingers crossed that it goes well.

Super Sore And It's Leg Day

I woke up super sore this morning. TKD was tough last night. I got really dizzy during warm-ups, and it took a while for it to go away. I did okay during class, but I've added to my list of things to work on.

My feet were really sore this morning. I think it's plantar fasciitis coming back. I see lots of yoga and frozen bottles of water in my future.

Walking Moon Dog this morning helped loosen me up a little, so I was able to get in a lower body/arms workout. I didn't lift as heavy as usual. I kicked something wrong last night, and my ankle and big toe hurt this morning. I didn't want to put too much pressure on it.

Tuesday's workout:

squats 135#  6 reps x2
preacher curls 25#  12 reps x2

plie squats 135#  6 reps x2
calf raises 135#  10 reps x2

alternating lunges 45#  16 reps x2
barbell shoulder press 45#  10 reps x2

curtsey R/L  10 reps/side x2
triceps dips 10 reps x2

1 arm push-ups level 1  10 reps/side
practice 360 hook kick x5

1 arm push-ups level 2  10 reps/side
practice 360 hook kick x5

1 arm push-ups level 3  10 reps/side
practice 360 hook kick x5

Won Hyo x3

It was a good workout. My legs actually feel better. I'm planning on doing some yoga before bed. I definitely need a good stretch.

It's A Busy Life, But I'm Enjoying It

It's been a long week. I haven't been able to post for the last few days, but I have managed to make time for some workouts. Priorities.

Wednesday was a super busy day. I knew it was going to be and got up early to get in a quick workout. 

Wednesday's workout:

Push-ups level 1  15 reps x2

alternating biceps curls 15#  6 reps/side x2

modified 1 arm push-ups level 2  10 reps/side x2

barbell shoulder press 45#  10 reps x2

push-ups level 3  15 reps x2

overhead triceps extensions 15#  12 reps x2

Short workout, but better than nothing!

Thursday ended up being a rest day. I took the Moon Dog for a walk, but that was all I did. I had a good reason. I was finishing a revision of my next book. I've been working on it since June, and it was so nice to finally finish it. Good excuse for a rest day.

I needed to rest. My stress level is increasing, and I have not been doing very well with my H2O intake. I'm definitely not feeling my best. Sleep and water are the things I need the most right now. These are my main goals going into next week. I know I'll feel better. Feeling better = more energy = getting more work done. 

Yesterday, I attempted a second run with the Moon Dog. This one was - less successful. There were a lot of new smells that needed to be sniffed, and I couldn't get him to focus. We walked a majority of it. Still, better than nothing. I'm taking baby steps with running. I've always jumped into it and done too much too soon. I then burn out or get injured. I'm trying to focus on small, attainable goals that will develop into habits. Change takes time.

I wanted to get in more of a workout yesterday, so I decided to do some HIIT. It was mostly lower body, push-ups, and TKD. By the end I was a sweaty mess, so something was working. I also ran through my pattern between sets. I love that no matter how much I work at it, there is always something new to focus on. Patterns are never perfect. Honestly, there are days when this also drives me crazy and frustrates me, but lately, I've really enjoyed working on small parts of it and trying to make it better. It helps that I'm seeing some progress. 

Friday's workout:

1 minute work / 30 seconds rest - all sets done x2

squats

side kicks R (no dropping knee)

side kicks L (no dropping knee)

push-ups level 1

alternating lunges

modified 1 arm push-ups level 1 R

modified 1 arm push-ups level 1 L

squat / side leg lift (alternating)

hook kicks (no dropping knee) R

hook kicks (no dropping knee) L

plies / calf raises

push-ups level 2

modified 1 arm push-ups level 2 R

modified 1 arm push-ups level 2 L

standing cross crunches R

standing cross crunches L

Won Hyo x 4

Today has been another rest day. The kids had a soccer game this morning. I love watching them play. It reminds me of when I played and how much fun it was. I'm glad they're enjoying it. They almost didn't sign up this year, and I am so glad they did. Soccer is one of the best parts of fall!

We spent the rest of the day with my parents. We went apple-picking (another fall favorite) and went out to lunch. It was nice to spend time with them. We don't see them nearly enough.

We're home and resting for the evening. Everyone is tired. I'm going to bed early, so I can rest up and still get in a long run tomorrow before rehearsal. It's a busy life, but I'm enjoying it!

Running With The Moon Dog

I woke up sore this morning. TKD was awesome last night. I definitely struggled. Sometimes my brain does not communicate with my body. I worked hard and was exhausted by the end of class. I've got some new things to work on, and I'm going to start working on my break for the tournament. My pattern went well. All the extra practice is paying off.

If I am being honest, I was not motivated last night. I felt ill and tired. I'd been busy all day, and I didn't really want to leave the house again. Still, I knew I would feel better if I went. I didn't feel great during the warm-up. I get lightheaded when I'm not feeling well, but it goes away after a little while. The rest of the class I felt fine, and it was a great stress reliever. So glad I went.

This morning I decided to run with the Moon Dog. It's been a long time since we did, but he loved it and got right back into the rhythm. I'm thrilled. I've been trying to fit more running into my weeks, but it's hard to carve out enough time most days. His walk is a priority. He needs daily exercise, too. This is the perfect solution.

Moon Dog is a great running buddy. He makes me push my pace, but he doesn't have much endurance, yet. We did intervals of walking and running. It was great, and I'm hoping we can go a little longer next time. We did 1.3 miles, and he was definitely slowing down at the end. Awesome new addition to my workout routine.

I also squeezed in a chest/back workout. I can't lift as heavy with my upper body, but I'm trying to go a little heavier. Build from there.


Today's Workout

bench press 75# 6 reps x2
db rows 15# 15 reps x2

db chest fly 15# 10 reps x2
barbell row 75# 8 reps x2

db chest press 15# 12 reps x2
t-bar rows 45# 10 reps x2

modified 1 arm push-ups level 1  10 reps/side
modified 1 arm push-ups level 2  10 reps/side
modified 1 arm push-ups level 3  10 reps/side


I love a good lifting workout. My muscles are jello. Perfect start to another busy day.

Sore...So Very Sore...

My legs are going to hate me tomorrow.

Let me back up to yesterday. After my morning walk with the Moon Dog, I wanted to workout, but I didn't want to do anything too intense. I had TKD in the evening, and after two weeks off, I knew it was going to be brutal. So, I decided to do yoga.

I did my own routine. It lasted about 30 minutes. I included some planks, sit ups, and hip/glute exercises. It was a good workout, and I felt much looser and more relaxed.

Then I went to TKD.

Let's just say, the hip/glute exercises were a poor choice.

Class was great. I feel like I learned a lot of helpful information. Of course getting my body to comprehend it takes longer. I understand the concepts, but I didn't execute it very well. Something to work on.

Then we worked on hook kicks without dropping the chamber. It worked the exact same hip/glute area, and it was painful. I haven't had my muscles burn like that in a long time.

I could feel it this morning. A lot. The stairs were a challenge. Things eased up a little after my walk with Moon Dog. I decided to take advantage of my looser muscles and do a good workout.

Tuesday's Workout:

Dead lifts  115#  6 reps
Push-ups level 1  25 reps

Dead lifts  125#  5 reps
Modified 1- arm push-ups level 1  10 reps/side

Dead lifts  135#  4 reps
Push-ups level 2  15 reps

Squats  135#  6 reps
Modified 1-arm push-ups level 2  8 reps/side

Squats  145#  5 reps
Push-ups level 3  15 reps

Squats  155#  6 reps
Modified 1-arm push-ups level 1  25 reps

Squats  165#  5 reps
Push-ups level 1  25 reps


It was a long workout. My legs were a little stiff and sore to start, but after I warmed up I felt like I could push it a little more. It was a great workout. I felt really strong.

Of course, now the soreness is really setting in. Let's hope I can walk by the end of the day.

Back At It

Back on track after a week off.

We had a wonderful vacation in Maine. It was only a few days, but it was perfect. We has lots of great ocean time, played mini golf, ate delicious ice cream, and finished it up with a trip to Fun Town/ Splash Town. So much fun.

I could seriously live in the ocean.

Yesterday, it was back to our usual hectic life. The kids' had promotions for TKD. They've worked really hard all summer, and it's really paid off. The looks on their faces made me cry like a baby. They were so proud of themselves. I love seeing that.

I also had TKD yesterday. It was a good class. I learned a few new things that I can hopefully use in sparring at the tournaments this spring. There were lots of back kicks, which are my favorite. I know it's good to work on things I'm not good at, but it's also nice to once in a while feel competent. I like feeling strong and coordinated. I was also incredibly inspired by watching my kids. They make me want to try harder and do more.

I woke up sore. Today's been another whirlwind of a day, and I haven't had a chance to work out. As soon as I finish this post, I'm going to do some lifting. I've got to keep up the momentum. I always feel better when I lift.

Laraway DOMS

Today was a perfect day for hiking, so Andy and I took advantage of a free morning and hiked Laraway Mountain. It was a sweaty hike, but it was beautiful at the top. So worth it. I love this hike. It winds through the woods and then climbs up to these amazing walls of rock. One of my favorites.

Hiking hair, don't care. :)

Worth every drop of sweat.

About halfway through the hike my legs started to hurt. A lot. My hips, glutes, and hamstrings were screaming. Then I remembered - TKD two days ago. My DOMS never kick in until 2 days later, and they showed up just in time for the hike.

My legs are super sore tonight. I'm also beginning to feel the back/shoulder workout that I did on Wednesday. It was a good one. I love DOMS.

Taekwondo Tuesday

It's 8:30pm, and I am eating a hasty dinner and trying to ignore the growing soreness that covers my entire body. Right now my hips, glutes, and lower back are making themselves heard. They ache when I try to sit. When I stand my leg muscles join the party. But, I am happy. I had a great class. The heat and humidity made it easier to stretch, and I consistently kicked higher than I usually do. I worked hard, and I am pleasantly exhausted now and ready for sleep.

It was a great class. Non-stop work, and I really had to focus. The class flew by. Everything just kind of clicked tonight. I love it when that happens. It's so great to see progress after hard work and focus.

My kids had a full day of TKD. They spent the whole day at TKD Summer Camp. They love it so much. They had an hour off then it was time for classes. The Artist's class was first, followed by the Bean's class. My class was last, and they had to wait for me. Long day, but they did great. They're really working hard and really enjoy it. I'm glad we found something we all enjoy.

It's been a great, though exhausting, day. Good night.

Last Tournament Of The Season

Yesterday was the last tournament of the season. I didn't go into it feeling prepared. I didn't get to practice very much. The last couple weeks have been busy and stressful, and I just didn't fit it in. It's not a great excuse, but it is what it is. I was feeling really tired and not focused, but I decided to just do it and see what happens.

I almost didn't go. The Bean was not feeling great on Friday, but she said she felt better on Saturday and wanted to go. She seemed better, so we went. She got her first gold in weapons and got to try for a grand championship. She didn't get it, but she got a lot of great support from the judges and the older boy she competed with. They were very encouraging, and she felt proud for getting that far.

The rest of it didn't go well. By the time they called her group she was sleepy and not focused. She did the best she could, but it was obvious that she wasn't all there. I was proud of her for trying and for having a good attitude about it. It's the first tournament that hasn't gone well for her, and I know how hard that can be. But, it's part of it. Everyone has a bad tournament from time to time. No one gets gold every time. We all have to deal with it, and she handled it gracefully.

It wasn't my best day, either. It started well. Michelle and I got gold for synchronized patterns. It went downhill from there. My nerves were bad, and I didn't eat very much throughout the day. By the time they called my group, I was tired and a little spacey from not eating enough. My head wasn't in it. My nerves took over, and my pattern was awful. It's frustrating because I know I can do a lot better. When I practice at home, I do well with the wave motion, but once I am in front of judges I forget everything.

Breaking was the highlight of the tournament for me. I was trying a spin hook kick, which I only got to practice twice at class. I had no time to try it that day, so I wasn't confident that I would get it. I really like spin hook kicks, so I wasn't very worried. I also decided that if I didn't get it first try I would do something easier and double up my boards. That wasn't necessary. I broke it first try. It wasn't perfect, and I felt a twinge in my ankle and knee as I did it, but it broke. I got silver, but I can't be upset by that. The woman who got gold was incredible and did her break with multiple boards and blindfolded. So awesome.

Sparring was not great. It's not my favorite thing, and while I do feel like I'm improving, I again let my nerves take over. My brain shuts down. It was nice to have Michelle there to yell things to me. We train together and know how we spar. It was helpful, and she definitely got me one of my few points. Because I always end up in third, I end up being the person who has to do two sessions back to back. It happens almost every time. We don't spar for very long, but it feels like eternity when you're up there. Our group has some good competitors, but I managed to get bronze. I'll take it. It was hard-earned. I got punched in the nose and punched in the chest really hard. I almost fell. One of my sparring partners did fall. Plus, it was incredibly hot in the gym. We all worked for it.

So, tournaments are done for the season. I'm determined to go back next year in a much better place. I'm going to keep this one in mind when I'm training. It will keep me focused. I really want to improve. I'm hard on myself, but I think it's okay. I'm not being negative. I just use my mistakes to know what I need to work on. It's a process. A slow, slow process, but I've seen some improvements. Not planning on giving up any time soon.

The best part of tournaments is the people. Michelle and I always have a good time together, and it's nice to have someone there who supports me and my kids and vice versa. Our families have fun together. I've also met a lot of great people in the TKD world. Our group of women is full of awesome, fun, supportive women. It's fun to compete with them and then hug it out at the end. The higher belts are great. They're supportive and positive and totally badass. I don't know how I'll ever get there, but I want to be that good. Tournaments are so friendly and fun, which is why I'll keep going back.

So, this morning I woke up early to go for a 13 mile run. My last long run. It didn't happen. The twinge I felt during my break developed into a pain that ran from my hip to my calf. It hurt a lot when I got up. I tried foam rolling and stretching, but it wasn't better. Before, I would have pushed through and done the run anyway. I would have run in pain and suffered until I got through the race. Maybe I'm not a badass anymore, but I just can't do that. Signing up for this race was just for fun and to get myself running and out of a terrible slump. It's worked, and I am finally exercising again. I'm not winning this race. I'm not going to PR. I'm fairly certain I will be at the back of the pack the whole time. And, I'm okay with that.

I'm hoping that I can get in a long run on Tuesday, but I'm not worried about it. I know I can do 13.1 miles. If I only do short runs until the race I'll be okay. This is also kind of a good thing. If I can stretch and do my PT exercises and make my leg feel better then I will be in a good place for tomorrow. I have promotions for my next belt in TKD, and it will be nice to not have exhausted legs.

Two more goals this month! Then I will set some new goals and mix up my training. I'm looking forward to it.

It's A HIIT

The other day I wrote about complications. Yesterday I had a major complication. The Artist scratched his cornea, and we spent the day going to various doctors. He is okay, but it was a very long, emotional day. By the time we got home I was completely exhausted. No interest in working out at all. Rest day!

Today, I almost skipped my workout. I have a show this weekend, and I had to cancel rehearsal yesterday. There was a lot to get done today, and I didn't feel like I had time. But, I stopped and examined my schedule. I didn't want to miss another day if possible. I feel better when I work out, and I have several things to train for this month.

I wanted to work on TKD today, but it had to fit my schedule. I decided to do a HIIT workout and throw in my patterns as well. There are so many things I need to improve on for TKD, and I wanted to focus on some of these today. Namely, speed and jumping. I like endurance - running, hiking, etc. I need to work on my fast twitch muscle fibers.

Here's what I did:

HIIT #1 (1:00 work/ :30 rest)

• jump rope
• side kicks R
• side kicks L
• burpees
• Chun Gi (not timed, just went through it, focused on wave motion)

You know I'm serious when I throw in burpees. And, jump rope. In the same group. Yikes.

HIIT #2 (1:00/ :30)

• one leg jumps (w/ foot on a bench) R
• one leg jumps L
• front kick/back kick combo R
• front kick/back kick L
• Dan Gun (wave motion)

The one leg jumps were suggested by a black belt at the last tournament as a way to speed up chambering. They were no joke, but I actually really enjoyed them. The kick combo was something we were working on in class on Monday. I really enjoyed it, and hopefully I will be able to use this in the next tournament. The second time through I added a back fist, too. It was fun. I love back kicks.

HIIT #3 (1:00/ :30)

• jump rope
• turning kicks R
• turning kicks L
• squat jump / high knee jump (alternating)
• Do San (wave motion & everything else - got to get this one down)

Let's just say the second round of jumping rope was much harder than the first. My legs were exhausted and feeling very heavy. I have a tendency to make my last HIIT easier, but this was not the case today. I really wanted to push it. The squat jumps/high knee jumps were brutal, but I got through it. 

I love HIIT workouts. My legs were tired and heavy and spent by the end. They shook as I tried to walk around the grocery store. The sign of a good workout. I need to keep this up. One of my goals for the summer is to focus more on TKD and the things I mentioned above - speed, jumping, fast twitch movements. Not that I'm giving up distance running or hiking. I plan on doing a lot of both as well. It's going to be a good summer.