Tournament 2 Recap

My body is aching. My heel/ankle is swollen and on ice, and I am sitting here with an overwhelming feeling of contentment and gratitude. I just got home from the second TKD tournament of the season.

I went into this tournament feeling a lot more relaxed than usual. I was trying my weapons pattern for the first time, I was trying my regular pattern for the first time, and I did not plan on sparring. Other than just getting through both patterns, I only had one goal: get my break (with two boards) on the first try. I figured it would go how it would go, and I didn't stress about it. I should do that more often.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of how I did. I have to, once again, talk about how much I love Taekwondo. The people are fantastic. There is definitely some competition, but everyone is really friendly and supportive. I'm beginning to recognize more and more faces, especially in the ladies division. We have such a good time. There is some competitiveness, but we cheer each other on and celebrate everyone's victories. It's a really awesome group of ladies. The judges are also amazing. I had two of my favorites today, one for weapons and one for ladies division. They truly enjoy it and make it a lot of fun.

I love that people are always trying to outdo themselves. That's the main competition. It's amazing to see what can happen with the adrenaline of competition. The woman who got gold in breaking for our group broke three boards. She told me she had never done more than two, but she just let it flow. Incredible.

I love watching the struggle, too. If it's not difficult, then you're not challenging yourself. All of the ladies stepped it up, and there was some struggles. There were also some awesome successes and some positive "I'll try again next time" attitudes. I love it. I completely understand the struggle. I have never felt like I did really well at a tournament. My nerves get to me every time. I struggle every time. Some days are better than others. Last tournament, I bombed. This one was okay but very, very, VERY far from perfect.

Okay, here's the recap.

I started with my bo staff pattern. I have never competed in weapons, and I just got my new bo staff yesterday. No time to practice, and it is incredibly light compared to what I was practicing with. I was nervous, my hands were sweating, and I was shaky. It didn't go great. I got distracted early on by an audience member saying, "well, I could do that" really loudly. Go for it, lady. All the more power to ya if you can handle the nerves better than I can.

Overall, it was okay. I know what to improve, and I got through it without dropping the bo. Goal achieved. Next time will go better.

I then waited around for a long time and watched my kiddos compete. There were some struggles, but they both stayed positive and took away lessons from their competitions. That's all I ever want for them. They both earned medals and did pretty well. They got to play with friends and make new friends. They had a great time.

I was practicing when they called my group, so I almost missed staging. I sprinted over and didn't have a ton of time to get nervous. Being late might have been a good thing. I decided at the last minute to do sparring, so no time to worry about that either.

Patterns were first, and I was nervous about it. I just learned the end of my pattern on Monday, so I was pretty sure that my brain would freeze up as soon as I started. It didn't go that bad. I got through it and didn't miss a move - although did hesitate for just a second while I tried to remember what came next. I tied for third place, so not too bad. I'll keep working on it and have a little more confidence with it next time.

Breaking. My favorite. There is nothing more satisfying than putting your foot through a board. The ladies have really been ramping up their breaks this year, and I knew I was in for some stiff competition. I also went into it feeling a little concerned. I had just been practicing my break with my instructor and could not break even one board. But, I am stubborn. I decided I would go for two. I did it before. I can do it again, right? My heel already hurts, but it'll be fine, right?

The best thing to do in breaking is not think. Thinking makes me hesitate. I turned off my brain and broke it. First try. Two boards. Goal achieved.

I am pretty hard on myself, but I'm proud of that one. Of course, I have no idea what to do next, but...I'll figure that out Monday.

I ended up getting second because another woman rocked the previously mentioned break with three boards. I will gladly take second to that. It was amazing.

Then it was sparring time. I will openly admit that I am not a fan of sparring. I don't mind it, but I am not good at it. I can't think quickly enough in a situation like that. I don't even know what I do when I go out there.

I hadn't planned on sparring today. I didn't want to stress about it as well as stressing about the weapons pattern. I decided last minute to do it, and as usual, I'm glad I did. The women in our group are so much fun. We don't go out to destroy each other. We cheer each other on. It's actually pretty fun. Since I hadn't been stressing about it, I really enjoyed it. I went up twice and had good, fairly even matches. The scores went back and forth almost every point. It was a lot of fun. I ended up getting third place, which I was surprised by and very happy about. Overall, a good day.

This post is turning into a novel, but I have to talk about one more thing. During the opening meeting, we watched a woman be promoted to 9th Dan Black Belt - the highest you can go. I got teary eyed watching her receive her plaque. It was incredible to think about the time and dedication she had put into it, and it was really inspiring.

It made me think about how long I want to keep practicing. I usually take TKD day-by-day, week-by-week, tournament-by tournament. I've always assumed I will continue until I get my black belt, but I'd never thought about what happens after that. I think I'm in. I think I am going to continue until I can't. I love it. The people, the process, the challenges, all of it. By far one of my best decisions.

Not Taking A Break Yet

I've been really achy for the last week, and I didn't end up exercising as much as I had planned. I've been feeling really run down, and my feet have been bothering me. That combined with a super busy weekend and nothing gets accomplished.

Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous and warm, so I took the Moon Dog for a walk. I also went out into the backyard and practiced my bo staff pattern. It was fun to practice outside in the sunshine. I went to TKD class last night. It was a great class, but I was definitely not feeling 100%.

There's a tournament this weekend. I was planning on taking a break and not competing in this one, but my weapons instructor wants me to do my bo staff pattern. So, I'm trying something new this weekend. Never done a weapons pattern before. It should be interesting. I may also try to do my new pattern. I just learned the rest of it last night, so it will be what it will be. Might as well try it, though. Why not?

I'm planning on doing my break. My goal for it is to get it first try. I've got two more tournaments to get it. So far, I got it first try in practice, it took two tries in the tournament, and three tries at testing. My nerves make everything so much more difficult.

If I'm feeling the way I have been for the last few days, I will probably skip sparring this time. My ankles are bothering me, and I can't imagine sparring right now.

So, this week the focus is on TKD completely. Today I worked on my patterns and my break. I'm feeling really sore and run down from last night's class, so I didn't do a ton of practicing. I'm hoping I'll feel better and can do more in the next couple days.

I followed my workout up with some yoga and gentle stretching. I've got a couple tight muscles that will hopefully loosen up a little bit before Saturday.

I'm excited for the tournament. The people are great, and it's a really fun day. Both kiddos are competing, too. They're excited, and I know we'll have a good time.

Patterns and Priorities

This past week I have been focusing on my patterns. I know I have a long way to go before black belt testing, but the patterns keep getting harder. I do not ever want to blank out during a testing again. I also really enjoy patterns. It's a definite workout, but it's also relaxing, almost meditative.

TKD made my day yesterday. I thought about going into detail, but I'm sure no one wants to read a rant about my stress and frustration. There's no need to give it more energy than it deserves. Let's just say that yesterday sucked for so many reasons, and I was looking forward to going to class.

It was a good class, obstacle courses and a great cardio workout. We also started our new pattern, and I love it. I've been waiting for this one since my daughter did it, and I learned the first half yesterday. I'm going to add it to my (almost) daily pattern practice. We're in the middle of tournament season. I don't know if I will be ready to compete with it, but I am hoping I will be able to try it at the May tournament.

I also worked some more on my weapons pattern. I absolutely love the bo staff. It's one of those things that just clicked immediately. I really love my pattern so far and have been practicing it daily. I added more to it last night, and it is so much fun. Challenging, but fun, which is exactly what I need.

More and more I am enjoying the process of Taekwondo. It's the first time I have truly been able to internalize the idea of "your only competition is yourself." I've set some goals for myself that have nothing to do with tournaments or medals, and I am slowly chipping away at them. It's nice to see the small improvements and be able to celebrate them because I am not comparing myself to someone else.

In addition to TKD, I have been lifting this week. I also did a small run on Sunday. I have been craving a run, but the pain it causes has been a deterrent. Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. Perfect running weather. I picked a stretch of our road that went slightly uphill and ran it 7 times. The Bean rode her scooter beside me and pushed me to do more. She's a good trainer. I ended up doing about 3/4 of a mile, which seems like nothing when I think back to my 22 mile long run days, but I am at a different place right now with different challenges. I was happy just to run.

There was definitely some pain after. That's not something that's going to go away soon (or maybe ever). My goal for the summer is to find some new cardio options. I love running, but it does not love me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give it up completely, but unless something changes drastically, I have to have other options.

Today is leg day. So the plan is lifting, patterns, and another set of running intervals with The Bean later. I've been making an effort to make my workouts a priority. It takes an hour (or so) a day and improves my life immensely. When facing massive amounts of stress, the first thing to go is anything that I do for myself. This is not a healthy practice, and it needs to stop. I'm a better wife, mother, employee, and person when I take care of myself. Another lesson that I am slowly learning.

What are you doing today to be active? Do you make yourself a priority in your life?

Struggling and Learning

It's been about 2 months since I've posted. I took a break. A much needed one.

I've been really struggling with exercise for a while. I've got a few medical issues that are taking forever to resolve, and I've been limited. I constantly feel run down, and my bones (especially my feet and hands) have been aching. Running became unbearable, I had to find other forms of exercise. It took a toll on me physically and emotionally. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel so crappy. I've been feeling like I am failing, and writing about it was making me feel worse.

It all got a little overwhelming, so I took a break from blogging and focused on taking care of myself. I got into a good, consistent program of lifting and practicing TKD. I was feeling stronger and more confident. Then life started getting more hectic, and I let it affect my routine. I stopped making exercise a priority. I stopped making me a priority. It's frightening how easy it is to slip to the bottom of your list.

I'm still struggling, but I am really trying to stay positive and find the good in the struggle. I recently went to the first TKD tournament of the year, and it did not go well. I felt off and just didn't do very well. I took two tries to break my boards, which I had been getting on the first try. I was frustrated, but on the bright side, I did break two boards for the first time. I also enjoyed being with the other women in our division. It's a fun and supportive group of great ladies, and everyone at the tournament is very positive and inspiring.

I decided to work harder and improve my break. Next tournament my goal is to get it first try. Two boards. I'm also back to daily meditation and trying to get control over my thoughts. My nerves are my biggest adversary. I need to get out of my head.

The TKD struggles continue. Yesterday was testing, and I felt terrible. I was nauseous, overheating, and dizzy, but I wasn't going to miss it. I worked hard and was really looking forward to getting my new belt.

I got it, but it was a major struggle. I blanked out and completely forgot every pattern except the very first and my current one. I'm not sure what I was doing out there, but it was not pretty. I struggled with moves that I have gotten gold medals for in the past. I got my belt but felt pretty disappointed with myself.

Today's a new day. I really enjoy TKD, and I am not going to quit after a couple of embarrassing mess ups. Part of my workout today was to go through all of my patterns - over and over and over again. I was happy that they are still somewhere in my brain. I guess they took a vacation last night.

I also practiced the beginning of my bo staff pattern. I've only been working on it for a little while, but I love it. I feel comfortable with a bo staff, and it combines everything I like about patterns with a little more creativity/individuality. So much fun.

So, I'm back to blogging. I may not be in a great place, and I may feel like I am struggling, but I'm not done trying. I'm going to keep learning, and hopefully, improving.

I Am So Lucky

I am so lucky. My ankle is healing quickly. Certain movements still make it twinge, but it's holding up well. I've been testing it. Coming back from an injury always makes me nervous. With the run, it was the first few steps that worried me. Once I'd run a little, I relaxed and really enjoyed it.

On Monday I decided to try hiking. We did a short, easy hike that was new to us. Family hikes are one of my absolute favorite things. We had so much fun. The kids have been finding new places to practice TKD, and the wide trail and a gigantic boulder were perfect. The Artist practiced Do San on the big rock, and the Bean practiced her bo staff pattern with a long stick.

It was a nice, easy hike. The weather was perfect. It was two miles out and back. My ankle held up until we were on our way down. It didn't give out, but it ached. I had to go slow and focus on stepping lightly. It hurt for a little while after we were done, but it didn't swell any more and felt better after about an hour. I was worried it would hurt the next morning, but it was fine.

Did I mention how lucky I am?

Yesterday, I didn't feel great, so I rested. My legs were a little sore from the hike, but it was not too bad. I didn't miss many workouts, but on the days when I couldn't walk at all, I was convinced that I was losing strength. The mind is always the biggest obstacle.

This morning, Moon Dog and I went for our usual walk. I also got in a strength workout. It was unnerving. I haven't lifted anything heavy since I hurt myself. I dropped the weight down a little bit, and I did a shorter workout. The first rep was terrifying. After my ankle held, I had an awesome workout.

Thursday's Workout

Squats  135#  6 reps x 2
Push-ups level 3  15 reps x 2
Won Hyo x 4

Plie squats  135#  6 reps  x 2
Push-ups level 2  15 reps x 2
Won Hyo x 4  (*felt a twinge in my ankle and decided to shorten my workout)

Dead lifts  115#  5 reps x 2
Modified one-arm push-ups level 1  8 reps/side x 2
Chon Gi, Dan Gun, Do San, & Won Hyo  x 2


I've set a new goal. It's simple but will also take consistent effort to achieve it. Perfect for my super busy life. The big, final goal is to be able to do a full one-armed push-up on the floor (both sides). I am breaking this into smaller goals. The first is to be able to do a full rep on level one*. I plan to achieve this by doing daily reps (as far down as I can go). After I achieve that, I will move on to level 2, level 3, and finally the floor.

*When I worked with a trainer, she had me do push-ups on various levels using the bar that holds up the back of the bench. My bench at home has three levels. Level one is the highest setting - the easiest one to do push-ups on. Level three is almost floor level. It's still one of my absolute favorite exercises. My favorite thing to do is max. reps at each level 1, 2, 3, 2, 1. Nothing feels the way my arms do after that.

This workout was one of the last tests for my ankle. I'm feeling a lot more confident. TKD will be the last test, but I think it will be okay. I'm going to be really careful about any twisting motions, but it should be fine. I'm so excited to get back to regular training. I need that daily dose of endorphins. I'm ready to get my strength back.

Taekwondo Tuesday

It's 8:30pm, and I am eating a hasty dinner and trying to ignore the growing soreness that covers my entire body. Right now my hips, glutes, and lower back are making themselves heard. They ache when I try to sit. When I stand my leg muscles join the party. But, I am happy. I had a great class. The heat and humidity made it easier to stretch, and I consistently kicked higher than I usually do. I worked hard, and I am pleasantly exhausted now and ready for sleep.

It was a great class. Non-stop work, and I really had to focus. The class flew by. Everything just kind of clicked tonight. I love it when that happens. It's so great to see progress after hard work and focus.

My kids had a full day of TKD. They spent the whole day at TKD Summer Camp. They love it so much. They had an hour off then it was time for classes. The Artist's class was first, followed by the Bean's class. My class was last, and they had to wait for me. Long day, but they did great. They're really working hard and really enjoy it. I'm glad we found something we all enjoy.

It's been a great, though exhausting, day. Good night.

Green!!!!!!

I had a difficult run today. It was super windy, and my legs were heavy and tired. I barely made it through two miles.

But, I have the best reason for my bad run.

Last night I had testing for tae kwon do. I'll apologize now if this is a long, rambling post, but last night was incredible. I'm still trying to process it.

Testing was brutal. It started with a terminator (7 jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups, then 6, 5, 4, etc.), and it didn't let up for over an hour. I don't know if I've ever worked that hard, but I loved it. The black belts put us through a crazy workout including conditioning, kicking, blocking, and sparring. There was very little time to catch a breath. I was sweating 5 minutes in and drenched by the time we finished.

Then we did our patterns. It went well. I'm lucky to have two awesome people in my group, and we work well together. It definitely felt better than it did at the tournament.

We got to my favorite part next - board breaking. I love it. We got to choose our breaks, and I went with the spin hook kick that I did at the tournament. I love this break. I got it first try. One of my favorite moments during testing was watching a red belt attempt her break. It was really difficult, and she tried over and over for a solid ten minutes. She fell on her face, got up and tried again. It was incredible and very inspiring.

At the end, we lined up. Normally, we have to answer some TKD trivia questions. I was mostly confident but nervous about what I would be asked. I even learned to count to 10 in Korean - just in case. This ended up being one of my favorite parts of testing. He didn't ask us trivia questions. He asked us about various things depending on the person. Some were about strengths that the person possesses. Some were about weaknesses (which can be turned into strengths). I was asked what success in TKD means. It was difficult to answer. I think I said something about never giving up and not getting frustrated when things didn't go well. And, that there is no end to learning.

I can definitely see this as a strength and a weakness. I will always be trying to improve, but I think I need to also give myself a little credit for how far I've come. Because Michelle and I are TKD partners in crime, he talked about both of us, our hard work, and how we're sometimes too hard on ourselves. Nailed it, Master Snyder.

Finally, I got my green belt. I'm so excited. Green is officially intermediate. No longer a beginner. I know this means I'll have to step it up and work harder, but I am really looking forward to it. This is the most proud I've been of myself in a long time. I'm also super excited because now I can start weapons in the fall!

My family came to watch, and it was so nice to have their support. The kids kept talking about how good I did. The Artist told me over and over how proud he was of me. Melted my heart. Today, it's the kids' turn. They're both testing, and I am so excited to watch them. They've worked really hard this year, and they've really started to love it.

I feel so incredibly lucky to be involved in TKD. My classmates are awesome. The black belts are helpful, patient, and super supportive. Master Snyder knows when to push and when to back off. I was terrified to start the family class two years ago, but it was one of the best decisions I've made. Life changing.

So, I had a bad run today, but I don't care. I'm a green belt!!!!

Last Tournament Of The Season

Yesterday was the last tournament of the season. I didn't go into it feeling prepared. I didn't get to practice very much. The last couple weeks have been busy and stressful, and I just didn't fit it in. It's not a great excuse, but it is what it is. I was feeling really tired and not focused, but I decided to just do it and see what happens.

I almost didn't go. The Bean was not feeling great on Friday, but she said she felt better on Saturday and wanted to go. She seemed better, so we went. She got her first gold in weapons and got to try for a grand championship. She didn't get it, but she got a lot of great support from the judges and the older boy she competed with. They were very encouraging, and she felt proud for getting that far.

The rest of it didn't go well. By the time they called her group she was sleepy and not focused. She did the best she could, but it was obvious that she wasn't all there. I was proud of her for trying and for having a good attitude about it. It's the first tournament that hasn't gone well for her, and I know how hard that can be. But, it's part of it. Everyone has a bad tournament from time to time. No one gets gold every time. We all have to deal with it, and she handled it gracefully.

It wasn't my best day, either. It started well. Michelle and I got gold for synchronized patterns. It went downhill from there. My nerves were bad, and I didn't eat very much throughout the day. By the time they called my group, I was tired and a little spacey from not eating enough. My head wasn't in it. My nerves took over, and my pattern was awful. It's frustrating because I know I can do a lot better. When I practice at home, I do well with the wave motion, but once I am in front of judges I forget everything.

Breaking was the highlight of the tournament for me. I was trying a spin hook kick, which I only got to practice twice at class. I had no time to try it that day, so I wasn't confident that I would get it. I really like spin hook kicks, so I wasn't very worried. I also decided that if I didn't get it first try I would do something easier and double up my boards. That wasn't necessary. I broke it first try. It wasn't perfect, and I felt a twinge in my ankle and knee as I did it, but it broke. I got silver, but I can't be upset by that. The woman who got gold was incredible and did her break with multiple boards and blindfolded. So awesome.

Sparring was not great. It's not my favorite thing, and while I do feel like I'm improving, I again let my nerves take over. My brain shuts down. It was nice to have Michelle there to yell things to me. We train together and know how we spar. It was helpful, and she definitely got me one of my few points. Because I always end up in third, I end up being the person who has to do two sessions back to back. It happens almost every time. We don't spar for very long, but it feels like eternity when you're up there. Our group has some good competitors, but I managed to get bronze. I'll take it. It was hard-earned. I got punched in the nose and punched in the chest really hard. I almost fell. One of my sparring partners did fall. Plus, it was incredibly hot in the gym. We all worked for it.

So, tournaments are done for the season. I'm determined to go back next year in a much better place. I'm going to keep this one in mind when I'm training. It will keep me focused. I really want to improve. I'm hard on myself, but I think it's okay. I'm not being negative. I just use my mistakes to know what I need to work on. It's a process. A slow, slow process, but I've seen some improvements. Not planning on giving up any time soon.

The best part of tournaments is the people. Michelle and I always have a good time together, and it's nice to have someone there who supports me and my kids and vice versa. Our families have fun together. I've also met a lot of great people in the TKD world. Our group of women is full of awesome, fun, supportive women. It's fun to compete with them and then hug it out at the end. The higher belts are great. They're supportive and positive and totally badass. I don't know how I'll ever get there, but I want to be that good. Tournaments are so friendly and fun, which is why I'll keep going back.

So, this morning I woke up early to go for a 13 mile run. My last long run. It didn't happen. The twinge I felt during my break developed into a pain that ran from my hip to my calf. It hurt a lot when I got up. I tried foam rolling and stretching, but it wasn't better. Before, I would have pushed through and done the run anyway. I would have run in pain and suffered until I got through the race. Maybe I'm not a badass anymore, but I just can't do that. Signing up for this race was just for fun and to get myself running and out of a terrible slump. It's worked, and I am finally exercising again. I'm not winning this race. I'm not going to PR. I'm fairly certain I will be at the back of the pack the whole time. And, I'm okay with that.

I'm hoping that I can get in a long run on Tuesday, but I'm not worried about it. I know I can do 13.1 miles. If I only do short runs until the race I'll be okay. This is also kind of a good thing. If I can stretch and do my PT exercises and make my leg feel better then I will be in a good place for tomorrow. I have promotions for my next belt in TKD, and it will be nice to not have exhausted legs.

Two more goals this month! Then I will set some new goals and mix up my training. I'm looking forward to it.

It's A HIIT

The other day I wrote about complications. Yesterday I had a major complication. The Artist scratched his cornea, and we spent the day going to various doctors. He is okay, but it was a very long, emotional day. By the time we got home I was completely exhausted. No interest in working out at all. Rest day!

Today, I almost skipped my workout. I have a show this weekend, and I had to cancel rehearsal yesterday. There was a lot to get done today, and I didn't feel like I had time. But, I stopped and examined my schedule. I didn't want to miss another day if possible. I feel better when I work out, and I have several things to train for this month.

I wanted to work on TKD today, but it had to fit my schedule. I decided to do a HIIT workout and throw in my patterns as well. There are so many things I need to improve on for TKD, and I wanted to focus on some of these today. Namely, speed and jumping. I like endurance - running, hiking, etc. I need to work on my fast twitch muscle fibers.

Here's what I did:

HIIT #1 (1:00 work/ :30 rest)

• jump rope
• side kicks R
• side kicks L
• burpees
• Chun Gi (not timed, just went through it, focused on wave motion)

You know I'm serious when I throw in burpees. And, jump rope. In the same group. Yikes.

HIIT #2 (1:00/ :30)

• one leg jumps (w/ foot on a bench) R
• one leg jumps L
• front kick/back kick combo R
• front kick/back kick L
• Dan Gun (wave motion)

The one leg jumps were suggested by a black belt at the last tournament as a way to speed up chambering. They were no joke, but I actually really enjoyed them. The kick combo was something we were working on in class on Monday. I really enjoyed it, and hopefully I will be able to use this in the next tournament. The second time through I added a back fist, too. It was fun. I love back kicks.

HIIT #3 (1:00/ :30)

• jump rope
• turning kicks R
• turning kicks L
• squat jump / high knee jump (alternating)
• Do San (wave motion & everything else - got to get this one down)

Let's just say the second round of jumping rope was much harder than the first. My legs were exhausted and feeling very heavy. I have a tendency to make my last HIIT easier, but this was not the case today. I really wanted to push it. The squat jumps/high knee jumps were brutal, but I got through it. 

I love HIIT workouts. My legs were tired and heavy and spent by the end. They shook as I tried to walk around the grocery store. The sign of a good workout. I need to keep this up. One of my goals for the summer is to focus more on TKD and the things I mentioned above - speed, jumping, fast twitch movements. Not that I'm giving up distance running or hiking. I plan on doing a lot of both as well. It's going to be a good summer.

An Amazing Weekend

This weekend was incredible.

Saturday was the tournament. It was an awesome day. I took a couple days to really process everything. The thing I love about tournaments is that I learn something new every time. I learned a lot at this one, and things are starting to click. It was probably the best tournament experience I've had yet.

About five minutes before the start of the tournament, my TKD partner in crime, Michelle, and I decided to participate in synchronized patterns. We practice together a lot and thought it would be fun. Synchronized patterns go first, so we had to compete right at the beginning. It was a lot of fun and dispelled a lot of the nerves that I usually have before a tournament. We ended up getting first place.

The Bean competed next. She is my TKD hero. She's always so calm and focused, and she's so powerful. I love watching her. Her weapons pattern was great, and she got second place. Her break had been worrying her a little, but when it came time to do it, she broke the board without a problem. It was a hard break, and she made it look easy. Every time I watch her, I am even more thankful for everything TKD has brought to our lives. She's so strong and confident.

There were a lot of ladies in our group. Six of us. I have to admit that the nerves got to me during my pattern. I went too fast and flubbed it up. Still, it was better than the last tournament. My score was pretty close to the third place score. Not placing was made better by the first in synchronized patterns.

My break was probably my personal highlight of the day. I love breaking. I was struggling with my break. It was supposed to be a 360 downward kick with the board half-suspended. I couldn't get around quick enough, and I was getting frustrated. The boards were really hard, and I was nervous. Normally, I will force myself to try it even if I know it won't happen, but this time I decided to go with something I felt a little more confident about. I switched to a jumping downward kick (half-suspended). I still wasn't 100% sure I would break it, but I was slightly less nervous about it.

As I watched the ladies before me try and try to break the boards. I've competed with most of them before, and they're powerful ladies. I was nervous. My break went really well. It was over quickly, and it took me a moment to realize that I broke it the first try. I ended up getting first place.

Sparring is always difficult for me, but it felt better this time. I'm starting to see openings. I sparred three times total and earned a very difficult third place. One woman was really tall and just kept kicking me in the head. I had no idea how to deal with that situation. I got some advice afterward and have a better idea on how to handle it in the future. I learn new things every time.

It was a great day. Everyone was super friendly and supportive. I saw some amazing competitions and learned a lot. I left with a very happy heart, and the feeling lasted through Sunday. It was a blast.

On Sunday I did a 10-mile run. I chose a brutal route that started with three miles of uphill. Add to that running into the wind, and my first five miles was a battle. I decided to turn around and do the other five going downhill with the wind to my back. The second half of my run was much faster. I felt great. I took it easy during the week as prep for the tournament, and it helped my run, too. I was sore from the tournament, but it didn't effect my running. I really enjoyed my run. The whole weekend was great.

Practice, Practice, Practice...

Today was supposed to be my long run day. The wind was crazy this morning, so I decided I would attempt to do my run on the treadmill. I ended up doing 5 miles. Half of what I planned, but I'm okay with it. There's another TKD tournament in a week, so it will be nice to have non-sore legs this week.

I did quite a bit of practice this past week. My pattern and break. I'm struggling with the break, but I've got another week to make it better. My pattern is coming along nicely. It could be better but not bad. My main goal for this tournament is to keep myself calm. I get super nervous, and then I don't do as well as I could. I've been meditating and visualizing a successful break and pattern. Even when I visualize it, my heart races. I get really nervous. I'm working on bringing myself down and focusing. Not sure what will happen at the tournament, but I've got another week to work on it.

I've also been lifting and running this week. I am on Week 3 of my lifting program. I'm feeling stronger and more positive overall. I also threw in a day of Pilates to work on my core. My eating has been mostly clean, and I'm feeling pretty good.

Going into this week focused and with a plan. Nervous about the tournament, but I'll do what I can this week. Practice. practice, practice...

An Active Weekend / Tournament Recap / I Cry A Lot

This weekend was fabulous. It was filled with fun, family, and fitness! :)

Friday night my husband hosted his high school Rock Show. He started it years ago, and every year it gets better. This year's show was great. The Bean got to participate with her band, and they were amazing. I love that she's already in a band. It was really cool to see these kids hold their own with a bunch of high school performers and an audience of almost 400 people. Of course, I cried because I am apparently incapable of not crying when my kids are doing something. So proud of her.

Saturday was the TKD tournament. I have to admit, I did not feel great about how much practice I had done. It was a busy week, and I couldn't fit in as much as I wanted. I was nervous, but I set myself some simple goals, which I mentioned before. How did I do?

1. Stay calm/don't let nerves take over.
I did not achieve this one. I thought I was doing okay, but when I did my pattern everything went bad. I was super nervous and messed up a lot of things. Goal for next time - don't mess up my pattern.

2. Remember anything my "plan" for sparring.
So, usually sparring is my worst event. My brain goes blank, and I forget everything anyone has ever taught me. This time, I think it was my best. It was the only thing I got a medal for. I remembered to do combos. I looked for openings. I moved around a little. I still need to work on blocking, but I did okay. We tied, and I lost during the tie-breaker. I felt good about it, and I definitely felt like I had improved. I'd say I met this goal, but it will definitely be on the list of goals for the next one. I want to get better.

3. Break the board on the FIRST try.
This was the big one for me. I've been working on my 360 back kick for a while, and it's been frustrating. It took my 4 tries at the last tournament, and it took 4 tries when I tested for my high yellow belt. I did not want it to take 4 tries again. I practiced with one of the black belts from our school, and she made a suggestion that changed everything. It made the move easier and more accurate. I went into it feeling a lot more confident.
I got it on the first try!
If there is anything better than putting your foot through a board, it is the relief after it's done. I was pumped the minute my foot went through.
I'm looking forward to trying something new for the next tournament. I want to break something with my hand.

I love going to the tournaments. I've gotten to know some of the other competitors, and we have made friends with other TKD families. It's fun to see them and compete with them. Everyone is really positive and supportive.  It's a lot of fun.

My kiddos had a great time. The Bean got to compete in weapons for the first time. She did great even though she was nervous, and I was so proud of her. (Yes, I cried.) I love watching the weapons patterns. Can't wait until I can try it.

The Artist had the best day out of all of us, and I was so happy for him. He's grown quite a bit since the last tournament, and he's gotten more coordinated. He's also been working really hard on having a positive attitude. At the last tournament, he didn't do as well as he wanted, and he stayed angry the whole day. This time he told me he would be happy even if he didn't get any medals, and he was excited to go and have fun.

He was amazing. He got a silver in his pattern and did it better than I've ever seen him do it. He only took three tries to break his board (last time it was 7), and he stayed positive when he came in fourth. His sparring was incredible. He remembered everything we'd practiced, and he did it all. He went up three times, and the last match was really exciting to watch. They went back and forth on points, and it was tough. He ended up getting gold for sparring. It was so great to see him so excited and focused and proud of himself. (I also cried during his sparring. It's was a proud, tearful day.)

Signing my kids (and myself) up for TKD is one of the best decisions I have made. I love what it has done for their self-esteem. Amazing.


This is turning into a long post, so I will keep the rambling to a minimum from now on.

Sunday was an active day. The weather was absolutely perfect. It was the kind of day when you feel obligated to spend as much time as possible outside.

I started with a 6 mile run before the sun came up. It was Daylight Savings, so it was very dark at 5:30am. The stars were out, and it was beautiful. The sunrise was amazing.

It was a good run. I've been struggling with the first three miles of all my runs. This started when I was training for the marathon years ago, and it's never gone away. It's frustrating, but I know if I can get through it, the rest will be fine. After three miles, I get into a rhythm and just go. That's how this run went. I struggled, walked, and over-heated until about halfway through, and then I felt great for the second half. This will be good as my mileage increases.

My legs were pretty sore after that, but I took the Moon Dog for a walk and also went for a bike ride with the Bean. I was completely exhausted by the end of the day, and it was the best feeling. I miss that feeling.

Today, I am doing a short run on the treadmill because the wind is really strong, and wind is my nemesis. I would rather run in anything else - snow, pouring rain, heat, anything. Since I am hitting the treadmill, I am going to mix up speeds and inclines to keep things interesting. I also have TKD tonight, so it's going to be another active day. I'm looking forward to continuing this all week.

Happy International Women's Day!!

Happy International Women's Day!!

I started my day with some of my favorite women. Nothing like a walk with friends to start the day.

Today I want to celebrate my favorite little woman. There is a TKD tournament this weekend, and I watched her prepare last night. She's doing her first weapons pattern this weekend, and I love watching her practice. She's strong and confident, and I admire her so much. I wish I had even half of her courage and confidence. So proud of my girl!!

I went for a second walk with the Moon Dog. The weather is amazing, and we had a nice walk. I also did some practice for the tournament. I'm not feeling overly confident, but practice will help. I've set a few basic goals - mainly stay calm/don't let the nerves take over, try to remember anything my "plan" for sparring, and break the board the first try. At the last tournament, it took 4 tries. When I was testing for my high yellow belt, it took 4 tries. This is my break until I get it on the first try.

Hopefully, that will be this weekend, and I can try a hand break.

TKD Recap

If I am completely honest, I would have to say that my greatest fear is failure. More than heights or spiders or anything else. I expect a lot from myself, and I am always afraid of not meeting my own (or others' perceived) expectations.

I failed hard on Saturday. I practiced, practiced, practiced. I nailed my break twice during our practice time at the tournament. But, it still took me 4 tries to break it when I got up there. My head just wasn't in the game, and tournaments are all mental. It bled over into sparring, and I was out the first round.

It was a much larger group than usual, and my nerves were a wreck. I'm not sure what a panic attack feels like, but I might have been having one. I had also totally psyched myself out the night before, and it bled over into tournament day. I could make a lot of excuses, but I won't. It wasn't my day. Simple as that.

So, the thing I fear the most happened, and you know what? It was good. Not at first, of course. I was frustrated and mad at myself because I know I can do better, but I learned a lot from watching the other competitors. I know what I did wrong and what I need to work on. It took some time to process, but once I did, I knew it was a good thing that I failed so hard in front of all of those people.

Because now it's happened. And, I survived. It wasn't horribly embarrassing. The world didn't end. Honestly, it reignited something in me that I've been missing for a while. I feel like it freed me to just go for it at the next one because I have nothing to lose.

I don't usually like to admit when I really care about something because I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail. Horrible mindset, I know. I do care about TKD. I want to do well. I'm committing to working 200% harder, so next time I will improve. I'm not going to worry about failing or looking stupid because who cares? This is just for me, and at least I am out there trying.

I didn't get to this conclusion immediately. I took a 9 miles walk with my TKD partner in crime, Michelle, on Sunday, and she was kind enough to listen to me ramble until I had my head straight. I really don't know what I'd do without her.

My kids had a great tournament, which made things better. The Bean kicked some serious ass. She's a powerhouse. It's funny because she's quiet and doesn't ever seem too nervous, but when she gets out there, she gets it done. Gold in breaking and silver in sparring. She's only half-way through her new pattern, so she opted not to do it. She'll be ready in time for the next one.

The Artist was probably the biggest success of the day. He got third in patterns and third in sparring, but it wasn't the medals that mattered. It was his attitude. Last year he got nervous and didn't do very well. Then he got upset. And stayed upset. All. Day. Long.

I wasn't sure he would want to try another tournament, but he did. We talked a lot about having a positive attitude and trying his best. He worked really hard, and his pattern was great. He was so excited when he finished that he jumped in the air and cheered. Not really what he's supposed to do, but he was so proud and happy that I don't think anyone cared.

His break didn't go well, but he didn't get upset and went into sparring with a good attitude. He was happy when he was done, and he wore his medals to school today. Such an improvement over last year. I told him he got a gold in the indomitable spirit category. So proud of him.

It was a great example for me, too. No matter how mad/disappointed/frustrated I felt when I was done, I had to smile and keep my stuff together. I talk to the kids constantly about having a good attitude. It was time to practice what I preach.

I got a lot out of this tournament. More than the others. I'm excited to get back into it tonight at class and start getting ready for the next one. I'm certainly not ready to give up.

I kept it going this morning with a run. I've been slacking lately and walking a lot. This time I didn't let myself walk. I need to build my mental toughness more than anything else. I can keep feeling bad because the Em who ran a marathon is no longer around, or I can get it together and find her again - or maybe even a better version this time. That's the goal for now.

TKD On My Mind

I think my mojo is finally coming back. The last couple months I have not been feeling it. It's been a struggle to stay motivated. Which is even more frustrating because I can remember how easy and fun it all used to be. TKD is bringing it back.

TKD is what I'm thankful for today. The first tournament of the season is tomorrow, and I am excited. We had such a blast last year. We get to see our TKD friends, watch some awesome competitors, and push ourselves. Plus, we get to break boards, which is my favorite part. I'm a little nervous about getting my break on the first try, but I'm going to think positive and practice, practice, practice.

Taekwondo has been a life changer. I love watching my kids grow in ability and confidence. It's a huge change from year to year, and I'm so proud of them. We have a great time practicing together, too. I'm so glad that I started taking classes and that we can train together. So much fun.

Practicing - the only time they can fight without getting in trouble.

I've been training for almost a year and a half, and it's made me a different person. Breaking a board with your foot will do that. It's a great confidence booster. I love that TKD is all about personal development. The only competition is with myself. I love doing patterns because we spend a long time perfecting each one. The pattern I'm doing tomorrow, I have been working on for a year. There are still things that could be improved. There's always room for improvement. It's been really good for me. I tend to want immediate results. TKD makes me slow down and focus on the little details. I'm developing patience.

The people are wonderful. The class is supportive and not judgmental. My kids and I have made some great friends through TKD - especially my TKD twin, Michelle.

Our first tournament - one year ago!

The black belts at the tournaments are supportive and helpful. I learn a lot every time I compete. It's a really positive atmosphere. Did I mention I'm excited?

So, with the tournament in mind, I am keeping my eating clean today and exercising carefully. I took the Moon Dog for a 3 mile walk this morning, followed by Pilates. I'm not doing anything that could injure me. I just got over one injury, and I would like to compete when I'm feeling good. The last tournament I went to, I had injured my knee and had to do my break with my left foot - surprisingly, it went really well. Still, I hate being injured.

In addition to walking and Pilates, I am going to practice, practice, practice. As long as I feel like I have prepared the best I can and tried my hardest, I will be okay with whatever happens tomorrow. I don't need medals. I just want to be happy with my performance.

Running With The Moon Dog

I had a pretty good class last night. We did some tournament prep, which was fun. I'm even more excited about the tournament this weekend. I'm feeling good about my pattern and my break, but sparring continues to be my weak area. When we're training, I understand the way to put things together, but as soon as I am up against someone, it all flies out of my head. It's frustrating, but I know what I need to work on. The kids and I will will be practicing this week, and I'll try to focus on my weaknesses. I'm excited to learn new things at the tournament, too. It's such a fun day, and there are so many talented black belts to offer advice.

Today is all about getting in whatever exercise I can. I started the day with a walk with the Moon Dog. The weather is amazing today - sunny, mid-60s, so very unlike a normal November in VT. I wanted to take advantage of it and decided to take Moon Dog running.

I wasn't sure how it would go. It's been almost a year since I ran with him, and I wasn't sure if he would be agreeable. He settled into it immediately, and we had a great run. We only did 1.11 miles, but it was enough for him. I'm thrilled that he was so agreeable. Now, we can substitute a couple runs for our daily walks. Good for both of us.

Happy, tired pup!

I've got circuit training and yoga tonight, which should be a lot of fun. I like the small bits of exercise throughout the day, but I am ready for a good, long workout. My food is on track for the day. I just need to make sure I drink enough water. So far, I'm still on track. Day 3!

Good.

Ahhh... Life is finally getting back to normal. I've gotten some sleep. Spent some time with my family, and I've gotten in some good workouts and clean eating. I'm feeling calm and centered again. It's so nice to feel balanced.

I've had some good workouts this week. Wednesday I was not feeling 100% and slept most of the day. This always happens after a show. I put everything I had into the show, and I needed to recover. Thursday started out the same as Wednesday, but I felt better as the day went on. My friend, Michelle, and I went for a walk before TKD and had a great chat. I really needed it. It was a great warm-up for class, too. My flexibility was a lot better than normal.

TKD was great. I couldn't go for the last two weeks, and I was really missing it. I was a little nervous and expected to get my butt kicked. I was not disappointed. Class was excellent. I feel like I learn quite a bit and have a lot to work on. That's why I love TKD. There is always something new to learn and something to improve. I just got a book on TKD, and I'm excited to learn more of the history.

Friday the Artist and I did a lot of walking. We covered almost three miles during the day. It was perfect to keep myself loose after TKD.

This morning I joined a couple friends for a bike ride. It's only been a year since I started biking again, and I haven't done much. My longest ride was about four miles. Today we did twenty. It was a gorgeous morning. I saw a rainbow as I drove in to meet my friends, and it was lightly raining when we started. The sunrise was beautiful, and we enjoyed the scenery as we rode from Enosburg to Richford.

I was getting tired as we got close to the turnaround point. I forgot to bring any kind of fuel and my breakfast was gone. I was hungry and tired. Luckily, Kelee brought her fabulous Super Healthy Cookies to share with us. I felt 100% better and the ride back was pretty great.

We finished off the morning with drinks at the Flying Disc. It was a perfect start to a Saturday morning. We're planning longer trips, and I am so excited to do more biking. It was fun, relaxing, and an amazing workout. Plus, I got to hang out with some awesome ladies. It's nice to have some social time again.

In other news, my new writing project is going well. I've always wanted to write a musical, but I don't have any experience with writing music. I'm excited to work with such a talented and creative musician and even more excited to work with my friend!

Life is good.

Kid Inspiration and A Definite Goal

Today I came downstairs to find the Artist working out. He was using my interval timer and doing different exercises. It made my heart happy. I don't force my kids to exercise, but I do encourage it. I've been talking with them about wanting to start exercising and eating better. I guess they listened.

At this point, I want my kids to enjoy exercise. I let them workout for as long as they want without pushing for them to do more. They usually start out small and then start coming up with more things to do. Today the Artist grabbed the TKD pad and asked me to hold it while he practiced. He did a lot, and the Bean was inspired to join in.

He inspired me too. I did an interval workout using TKD moves and isometrics. It was a good workout. When I was finished, the kids asked to run, so we ran to the end of our road and back. The kids did pretty well with pacing and ran the whole time. Bean had been planning on walking some of it, and she was proud that she made it the whole way.

Today I put my running goal into motion. I looked up the half I was considering for the fall, and registration was open. I signed up for the Leaf Peeper again. It's a great race, a pretty course, and I love the long-sleeved shirts! (Yes, it is all about the shirt.)

The half is my favorite distance. It's not a crazy long distance, but it requires training. I need this kind of motivation right now, and fall runs are the best! Runner's World put out a new half training plan, and it doesn't look too taxing. I want something I can follow that will ease me back into it. I like that I don't have to think about it and can just do what's on the paper. I've never followed a strict training plan before. I'm interested to see how it works.

Standing Still

Stasis.
noun

1. 1.

   a period or state of inactivity or equilibrium.

That's me. I've been going through the motions most of the time, but I haven't been putting much effort into exercise, my eating, or my writing. I haven't felt that bad about it, which is surprising. I just haven't had the motivation.

I feel like I'm coming out of it now. I've set some definite goals, and I am beginning to plan how to achieve them. I want to run again. I want to do a half again. Maybe more than one. I am planning on splitting the Burlington marathon next year with my friend, Michelle. She's super fast and in crazy good shape, so I want to start training now. Plus, part of me really wants to do a half this fall. It's the best time of year to run, and there are some great races in VT in autumn. 

I also want to improve at Taekwondo. I really enjoy it. I have decided to stick with it and get a black belt. (It makes me nervous to even type that.) I need to start working on it at home. My first step is to practice my pattern every day. I've been keeping track for almost a week and logging the number of times I run through it. It's a small, attainable goal, and I feel like it's helping. Even if it just helps me relax about doing it in front of people. I get really nervous and don't do as well as I could. I need to work on my focus.

I've started thinking about how to strengthen and improve myself for Taekwondo. I'm going to start working it into my home workouts. I want to not only get stronger but also improve my skills and plyometrics. I feel like I'm ready to work for it.

My only other goal is to be calm and enjoy my life. 

I feel like I'm doing pretty well with exercise lately. I've worked out and pushed myself for the last two days. This morning I got up and did a workout. It doesn't seem like much, but I have been literally doing no exercise. I need to start being active again. I feel so much better when I do.

On the other hand, food has been a crazy battle. I've been overindulging and not caring at all. Until the next day. I've slipped back into my old mentality. Just a little, but enough to scare me. I will not go back to the way I was. It doesn't feel good.

Today, I read something amazing. It brought me back to the right frame of mind. It reminded me that strength is important. I remember how empowering it feels to be strong. My love of lifting is back. That's always the first thing to come back. 

Read it here.

Life is good. I'm back on track. I've let myself slip. I accept it. I'm not thrilled that I have so much to undo, but I am ready to do it.