Struggling and Learning

It's been about 2 months since I've posted. I took a break. A much needed one.

I've been really struggling with exercise for a while. I've got a few medical issues that are taking forever to resolve, and I've been limited. I constantly feel run down, and my bones (especially my feet and hands) have been aching. Running became unbearable, I had to find other forms of exercise. It took a toll on me physically and emotionally. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel so crappy. I've been feeling like I am failing, and writing about it was making me feel worse.

It all got a little overwhelming, so I took a break from blogging and focused on taking care of myself. I got into a good, consistent program of lifting and practicing TKD. I was feeling stronger and more confident. Then life started getting more hectic, and I let it affect my routine. I stopped making exercise a priority. I stopped making me a priority. It's frightening how easy it is to slip to the bottom of your list.

I'm still struggling, but I am really trying to stay positive and find the good in the struggle. I recently went to the first TKD tournament of the year, and it did not go well. I felt off and just didn't do very well. I took two tries to break my boards, which I had been getting on the first try. I was frustrated, but on the bright side, I did break two boards for the first time. I also enjoyed being with the other women in our division. It's a fun and supportive group of great ladies, and everyone at the tournament is very positive and inspiring.

I decided to work harder and improve my break. Next tournament my goal is to get it first try. Two boards. I'm also back to daily meditation and trying to get control over my thoughts. My nerves are my biggest adversary. I need to get out of my head.

The TKD struggles continue. Yesterday was testing, and I felt terrible. I was nauseous, overheating, and dizzy, but I wasn't going to miss it. I worked hard and was really looking forward to getting my new belt.

I got it, but it was a major struggle. I blanked out and completely forgot every pattern except the very first and my current one. I'm not sure what I was doing out there, but it was not pretty. I struggled with moves that I have gotten gold medals for in the past. I got my belt but felt pretty disappointed with myself.

Today's a new day. I really enjoy TKD, and I am not going to quit after a couple of embarrassing mess ups. Part of my workout today was to go through all of my patterns - over and over and over again. I was happy that they are still somewhere in my brain. I guess they took a vacation last night.

I also practiced the beginning of my bo staff pattern. I've only been working on it for a little while, but I love it. I feel comfortable with a bo staff, and it combines everything I like about patterns with a little more creativity/individuality. So much fun.

So, I'm back to blogging. I may not be in a great place, and I may feel like I am struggling, but I'm not done trying. I'm going to keep learning, and hopefully, improving.

Listen To Your Body

Week 2 of awesome workouts started strong. It's ending....not so well.

I'm at the end of a month of stress at work. I've been in the producing role for two musicals that happened back to back as well as being the choreographer for one and running the front of house. For a theatre person that means hell week, show week, hell week, show week. No sleep for a month. Very little time to eat. Plus, you know, the rest of my life...

I've been making time for exercise, but without adequate sleep and food, my body doesn't recover as well. Yesterday, I crashed and burned.

The day started out well. I got up and did a good workout. I felt pretty energized at first, but as the workout went on, I started to struggle. More than I should have. It was a short, not-too-intense workout, but I had a hard time completing it.

Friday's Workout:

Dead lifts 95# 8 reps
Won Hyo (my pattern) x2
biceps curls 15# 8 reps
*all exercises x2

Dead lifts 105# 6 reps
Won Hyo x2
front row with 15# dumbbells 10 reps
*all exercises x2

Dead lifts 115# 4 reps
Won Hyo x2
overhead tricep extensions 15# 12 reps
*all exercises x2


The last set was brutal. I almost gave up. I knew something was off, but I assumed it was due to the heat/humidity we've had all week.

About an hour later I was sick. Nauseous, sore, raging headache, slight fever. It was awful. I had to go in and get things set for the show, and by the time I got home I could barely move. I tried to do some house work, but it got worse. I took an hour-long nap that felt like I had just blinked my eyes. I am not a nap person, but yesterday it couldn't be helped.

Then I had to work the show. I did okay hiding the fact I was sick, but I made some really stupid mistakes because all I could think about was how much my head hurt. The show went great, and I didn't pass out. I crashed as soon as I got home.

This morning is a little better. The headache is gone. I'm a little queasy but not overheating. I think I just really need some rest and recovery time. It's been a brutal month.

Today, I had planned on doing some abs and yoga, but I think it's going to be a full rest day instead. We have two shows today, so my time is very limited. I think I just need to take it easy and try to eat good, healthy food. Sometimes it's not about what's on your training plan. It's about listening to your body.

Week 3 should be better. Less stress and back to my usual routine...until we go on vacation...