Patterns and Priorities

This past week I have been focusing on my patterns. I know I have a long way to go before black belt testing, but the patterns keep getting harder. I do not ever want to blank out during a testing again. I also really enjoy patterns. It's a definite workout, but it's also relaxing, almost meditative.

TKD made my day yesterday. I thought about going into detail, but I'm sure no one wants to read a rant about my stress and frustration. There's no need to give it more energy than it deserves. Let's just say that yesterday sucked for so many reasons, and I was looking forward to going to class.

It was a good class, obstacle courses and a great cardio workout. We also started our new pattern, and I love it. I've been waiting for this one since my daughter did it, and I learned the first half yesterday. I'm going to add it to my (almost) daily pattern practice. We're in the middle of tournament season. I don't know if I will be ready to compete with it, but I am hoping I will be able to try it at the May tournament.

I also worked some more on my weapons pattern. I absolutely love the bo staff. It's one of those things that just clicked immediately. I really love my pattern so far and have been practicing it daily. I added more to it last night, and it is so much fun. Challenging, but fun, which is exactly what I need.

More and more I am enjoying the process of Taekwondo. It's the first time I have truly been able to internalize the idea of "your only competition is yourself." I've set some goals for myself that have nothing to do with tournaments or medals, and I am slowly chipping away at them. It's nice to see the small improvements and be able to celebrate them because I am not comparing myself to someone else.

In addition to TKD, I have been lifting this week. I also did a small run on Sunday. I have been craving a run, but the pain it causes has been a deterrent. Sunday was absolutely gorgeous. Perfect running weather. I picked a stretch of our road that went slightly uphill and ran it 7 times. The Bean rode her scooter beside me and pushed me to do more. She's a good trainer. I ended up doing about 3/4 of a mile, which seems like nothing when I think back to my 22 mile long run days, but I am at a different place right now with different challenges. I was happy just to run.

There was definitely some pain after. That's not something that's going to go away soon (or maybe ever). My goal for the summer is to find some new cardio options. I love running, but it does not love me. I don't think I'll ever be able to give it up completely, but unless something changes drastically, I have to have other options.

Today is leg day. So the plan is lifting, patterns, and another set of running intervals with The Bean later. I've been making an effort to make my workouts a priority. It takes an hour (or so) a day and improves my life immensely. When facing massive amounts of stress, the first thing to go is anything that I do for myself. This is not a healthy practice, and it needs to stop. I'm a better wife, mother, employee, and person when I take care of myself. Another lesson that I am slowly learning.

What are you doing today to be active? Do you make yourself a priority in your life?

Struggling and Learning

It's been about 2 months since I've posted. I took a break. A much needed one.

I've been really struggling with exercise for a while. I've got a few medical issues that are taking forever to resolve, and I've been limited. I constantly feel run down, and my bones (especially my feet and hands) have been aching. Running became unbearable, I had to find other forms of exercise. It took a toll on me physically and emotionally. It's difficult to stay positive when you feel so crappy. I've been feeling like I am failing, and writing about it was making me feel worse.

It all got a little overwhelming, so I took a break from blogging and focused on taking care of myself. I got into a good, consistent program of lifting and practicing TKD. I was feeling stronger and more confident. Then life started getting more hectic, and I let it affect my routine. I stopped making exercise a priority. I stopped making me a priority. It's frightening how easy it is to slip to the bottom of your list.

I'm still struggling, but I am really trying to stay positive and find the good in the struggle. I recently went to the first TKD tournament of the year, and it did not go well. I felt off and just didn't do very well. I took two tries to break my boards, which I had been getting on the first try. I was frustrated, but on the bright side, I did break two boards for the first time. I also enjoyed being with the other women in our division. It's a fun and supportive group of great ladies, and everyone at the tournament is very positive and inspiring.

I decided to work harder and improve my break. Next tournament my goal is to get it first try. Two boards. I'm also back to daily meditation and trying to get control over my thoughts. My nerves are my biggest adversary. I need to get out of my head.

The TKD struggles continue. Yesterday was testing, and I felt terrible. I was nauseous, overheating, and dizzy, but I wasn't going to miss it. I worked hard and was really looking forward to getting my new belt.

I got it, but it was a major struggle. I blanked out and completely forgot every pattern except the very first and my current one. I'm not sure what I was doing out there, but it was not pretty. I struggled with moves that I have gotten gold medals for in the past. I got my belt but felt pretty disappointed with myself.

Today's a new day. I really enjoy TKD, and I am not going to quit after a couple of embarrassing mess ups. Part of my workout today was to go through all of my patterns - over and over and over again. I was happy that they are still somewhere in my brain. I guess they took a vacation last night.

I also practiced the beginning of my bo staff pattern. I've only been working on it for a little while, but I love it. I feel comfortable with a bo staff, and it combines everything I like about patterns with a little more creativity/individuality. So much fun.

So, I'm back to blogging. I may not be in a great place, and I may feel like I am struggling, but I'm not done trying. I'm going to keep learning, and hopefully, improving.