Resisting the Urge to Compare

It's hard to be an artist. Putting your vision out to the world opens you up to a lot of criticism. I'm fine with criticism. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I don't like comparison. In theatre, no show is ever going to be just like another. A different director, a different style, a different cast, space, budget, etc. It all changes the outcome. Yet, many people feel the need to compare. Even two shows with entirely different scripts and scores will be compared. It drives me nuts. They are both theatrical productions. That's it. Just like the cliche apples and oranges are both fruit.

Occasionally, I find myself falling into the comparison trap. I catch myself worrying if I am as good as X or if my ideas are duller than Y's. It's not productive thinking. What I love about theatre (and any creative outlet) is the celebration of what makes something unique. Why would I want to produce something that's exactly like something else? That's not creativity.

I am still struggling to resist comparison. It's not beneficial, and I can't go into something as big as a show doubting myself. I like my shows. I like my style. I'm confident in my actors. Why would I let others bring me down? Still, I'm human. It happens.

It's the same with running. I tend to compare myself to other runners. It's disheartening, and I set myself up for failure. I'm trying to avoid comparison and negative thinking and just learn to love it again. Like I used to.

I had a couple of good talks with other runners yesterday. Both are much faster than me. They're more consistent. But, the thing that struck me was that they both love it. Even on the bad days. It's a moment of balance and peace in their lives. They don't spend the whole time wishing they were faster or not breathing so hard or could run the whole thing. They just enjoy it.

I envy that. I want that. I'm working on it.

More and more I think about how short life is. We have so little time that it seems stupid to waste it on comparison and negativity. I want to do what I love. I want to enjoy my life.

With that in mind, I dragged myself out of bed after only 4 hours of sleep and went running with some friends. Today was a scheduled rest day, but I wanted to run with them. So I did. I'll rest tomorrow. There were many times I could have compared myself to them and found fault, but I fought the urge. I focused on the good stuff. My friends, being awake before most people, the cool breeze and light rain, the feeling of getting up a hill. When I struggled I thought about the fact that I am alive and capable of running. I've got more than a lot of people.

Instead of comparing, I celebrated. Instead of feeling like a failure, I felt grateful. I'm improving. One day at a time.